It was like an angel choir but if angels had a grunge band with illegible vocals, instruments that were only slightly out of tune and recording equipment that made it sound as if they were playing from inside a tin can. It was simultaneously the best and worst thing i had experienced, the aftermath of which lead to an ache in my stomach caused by the anxiety and butterflies attempting to play tug of war with rope that had a knot in the centre. The roadside biryani wasn't helping, either. Fuck, I need to throw up, I thought as I made my way to the kitchen and took the bottle of Digene I keep in the fridge and take a swig straight from the bottle, in hopes of having what was meant to be in my body, stay in my body.
I threw myself into my bed, hoping for its familiar comfort as the medicine slowly settled my stomach, but being received by a barrage of memories that happened not so long ago. The ordeal had lasted only a night, but the sheets smelt different, and twenty times more beautiful than the lavender essential oil that I normally add to the detergent when I'm doing laundry. There were now faint hints of sandalwood and bergamot that intermingle with the lavender on my sheets and the vanilla that is my signature. It was overwhelming. I wanted to cry, but instead I just stripped the sheets with unnecessary fervour, balling them, trying my best not to trip on them as I took them to the machine.
It was wasteful to wash just the one sheet, but I didn't care, I need the night erased. The less I remember the better I would be and the more time that passes the happier I could be. Time heals all wounds but did it help you get rid of one of the best nights of your life that was caused by the worst decision ever made? Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, what the fuck is wrong with me? The reality of the situation hitting me like a freight train hitting a deaf and blind person who had wondered across some tracks. The Digene suddenly losing all its effectiveness, but in turn also wanting to come out of my body. It must be the influence of the biryani.
I made it to the bathroom just in time to spew my guts, wishing it was as easy to get rid of last night's happenings as it was to get rid of last night's food, knowing fully well that that isn't how the world works, and even if it did work that way it still would never cooperate with me. I hugged myself on the bathroom floor, smelling like my bedsheets had and upsetting my anxiety and delighting those fucking butterflies. The ache now moved from the stomach to my head, which now pounded irregular yet rhythmically. I allowed my sensed and feelings to transport me somewhere else or multiple somewhere elses. I felt like I was merging into the bathroom tiles, my entire being liquified and transparent. If only that were possible.
"What are you doing?" A voice I thought I'd never hear again calls out, a voice that catalysed the reconstruction of my bones and body. It had taken me a few seconds to become fully human again and it was then that I realised that the sun was now on its way down and that I had spent my day pretending to be tiles to escape from my life. Pathetic.
I look up, and my eyes are met with a bemused expression full of warmth- something that made those damn butterflies move from antagonising my stomach to flocking on either cheek, putting a strange pressure on them.
The expression then turned smug, the anxiety in my stomach compressing itself into a dense ball almost as if it was made of iron and Magneto was controlled it with the closing of his fist. "I'm glad I can make you blush, now. I had always wanted to do that."
Wait what.
"What?" I winced at how hoarse my voice sounded.
"Arya, I've been in love with you since the beginning of time probably."
"I thought you were straight?" I ask, not really knowing how to describe what I was feeling. Lightning, maybe? No that's not nearly enough energy to compare what was going on. I hadn't realised that I stood up until I was standing right in front of Maithili, looking at her. I think she had her own face butterflies because now her cheeks were also slightly pink.
"I never said anything because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. It's not like you came out to me either, until last night I thought you were straight too."
My jaw hit the floor. We were such idiots. I almost laugh at the stupidity of it until this morning's happenings came barreling into my mind.
"But in the morning when you thought I was sleeping I heard you say it was a huge mistake."
"I meant not taking off my makeup last night. I had that meeting na today, and I didn't want a breakout. Oh my god, you've been thinking of last night as a one night stand all day?"
"I thought I lost my friend." You would think that stress was something that would cause an emotional dam to break, but it was relief that made it collapse. That was when I started crying, and the lack of tension in my body making my legs give in and reuniting me with the floor.
"Arre," Maithili said, a small laugh in her voice, as she crouched down beside me. She held my face and attempted the disrupt the flow of tears.
"Fuck you, Maithili, you made me throw up." I said, putting my hands on top of hers. She laughed and now the butterflies were all over my body.
"I think I know what'll help," she said as she leaned into kiss me and the grunge band angels had tuned their instruments, upgraded their equipment and moved to a place with better acoustics.
I threw myself into my bed, hoping for its familiar comfort as the medicine slowly settled my stomach, but being received by a barrage of memories that happened not so long ago. The ordeal had lasted only a night, but the sheets smelt different, and twenty times more beautiful than the lavender essential oil that I normally add to the detergent when I'm doing laundry. There were now faint hints of sandalwood and bergamot that intermingle with the lavender on my sheets and the vanilla that is my signature. It was overwhelming. I wanted to cry, but instead I just stripped the sheets with unnecessary fervour, balling them, trying my best not to trip on them as I took them to the machine.
It was wasteful to wash just the one sheet, but I didn't care, I need the night erased. The less I remember the better I would be and the more time that passes the happier I could be. Time heals all wounds but did it help you get rid of one of the best nights of your life that was caused by the worst decision ever made? Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, what the fuck is wrong with me? The reality of the situation hitting me like a freight train hitting a deaf and blind person who had wondered across some tracks. The Digene suddenly losing all its effectiveness, but in turn also wanting to come out of my body. It must be the influence of the biryani.
I made it to the bathroom just in time to spew my guts, wishing it was as easy to get rid of last night's happenings as it was to get rid of last night's food, knowing fully well that that isn't how the world works, and even if it did work that way it still would never cooperate with me. I hugged myself on the bathroom floor, smelling like my bedsheets had and upsetting my anxiety and delighting those fucking butterflies. The ache now moved from the stomach to my head, which now pounded irregular yet rhythmically. I allowed my sensed and feelings to transport me somewhere else or multiple somewhere elses. I felt like I was merging into the bathroom tiles, my entire being liquified and transparent. If only that were possible.
"What are you doing?" A voice I thought I'd never hear again calls out, a voice that catalysed the reconstruction of my bones and body. It had taken me a few seconds to become fully human again and it was then that I realised that the sun was now on its way down and that I had spent my day pretending to be tiles to escape from my life. Pathetic.
I look up, and my eyes are met with a bemused expression full of warmth- something that made those damn butterflies move from antagonising my stomach to flocking on either cheek, putting a strange pressure on them.
The expression then turned smug, the anxiety in my stomach compressing itself into a dense ball almost as if it was made of iron and Magneto was controlled it with the closing of his fist. "I'm glad I can make you blush, now. I had always wanted to do that."
Wait what.
"What?" I winced at how hoarse my voice sounded.
"Arya, I've been in love with you since the beginning of time probably."
"I thought you were straight?" I ask, not really knowing how to describe what I was feeling. Lightning, maybe? No that's not nearly enough energy to compare what was going on. I hadn't realised that I stood up until I was standing right in front of Maithili, looking at her. I think she had her own face butterflies because now her cheeks were also slightly pink.
"I never said anything because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. It's not like you came out to me either, until last night I thought you were straight too."
My jaw hit the floor. We were such idiots. I almost laugh at the stupidity of it until this morning's happenings came barreling into my mind.
"But in the morning when you thought I was sleeping I heard you say it was a huge mistake."
"I meant not taking off my makeup last night. I had that meeting na today, and I didn't want a breakout. Oh my god, you've been thinking of last night as a one night stand all day?"
"I thought I lost my friend." You would think that stress was something that would cause an emotional dam to break, but it was relief that made it collapse. That was when I started crying, and the lack of tension in my body making my legs give in and reuniting me with the floor.
"Arre," Maithili said, a small laugh in her voice, as she crouched down beside me. She held my face and attempted the disrupt the flow of tears.
"Fuck you, Maithili, you made me throw up." I said, putting my hands on top of hers. She laughed and now the butterflies were all over my body.
"I think I know what'll help," she said as she leaned into kiss me and the grunge band angels had tuned their instruments, upgraded their equipment and moved to a place with better acoustics.
